Cowboys and Kisses
by Zephyr5
Summary: Songfic about Selphie and Irvine


Disclaimers: Lyrics and characters (except the GF Gilegen), are not mine.  Lyrics are Anastasia's 'Cowboys and Kisses', and characters are Squaresofts.

Warnings: Minor angst, but a happy ending :)

Cowboys and Kisses

_"Baggy blue jeans and a box of magazines_

_Is all I have of you_

_Waitin' on the day you walk back in my life"_

It is so mean of Headmaster Cid not to let Irvine come with me to re-build Trabia Garden.  I didn't even say goodbye 'cause I thought he'd be coming to join me…

"Like a newborn child you made me smile 

_Then you stole my heart away_

_We may be out of touch, but never out of time"_

I didn't realise how happy being with him made me.  Even when I thought we were going to die in the missile base, I couldn't be sad because he was there with me, and not even death could take him away from me.  Now all I can do is drift around, a listless shell of my former self.  What death could not do, Cid has, and it's tearing me apart…

"Come back to me boy 

_Cowboys and kisses always seem to bring me down_

_You're like a weight in my pocket ev'ry time you come around"_

It's ironic really.  When he's around I can't tell him how I feel, but when he's not here I get so mixed up.  I'm jealous because I know he'll be flirting with any girls within eyeshot, but I'm also lonely.  I can't help imagining the worst situations possible, that he's dead or missing and no one has told me.  Come back to me Irvine…

"Damn those cowboys and kisses 

_Gotta find myself ev'ry time you go away"_

It's so unfair.  Squall and Rinoa are allowed to stay together, so why can't me and Irvine be together?  Maybe if I asked Rinoa she'd persuade Squall to persuade Cid to let Irvine come and help me.  The problem is, I can't take any time away from Trabia, and I don't know when Squall and Rinoa will visit again.  I can't contact them 'cause the Trabia communications system still doesn't work, and Chocobos can't reach Balamb.  Even if they could there's no guarantee that the Balamb Garden will be there…

"Holding onto you like a pair of old shoes 

_That you never throw away"_

I've asked myself so many times.  Why do I feel this way?  Is it because he represents my past, or is it something deeper?  Apart from his revelations before the final battle with Ultimecia he's never said anything about our past and the orphanage.  Somehow I can never bring myself to ask.  I know it hurts him that he's the only one who can remember consciously…

"Ev'ry road still leads me back to you 

_Your little white lies and butterflies made me shed a tear"_

I can still remember the first time we all met you.  The GFs will never be able to erase that memory.  I thought at the time you looked expectant, almost as if you were waiting for us to recognise you.  Of course, now I know that you were.  But before Martine even called you to our attention, I saw you, lying on the grass.  You looked so peaceful, serene.  Then you raised a finger, and a butterfly landed on it.  The beauty of the scene brought a smile to my heart.  Martine's call was an intrusion, but you had to answer it.  As you pretended to shoot the butterfly I realised that all we SeeDs do is destroy.  To protect the greater peace, but we are destroyers still.  I nearly cried.  A single tear escaped, but no one noticed.  From that moment onwards I felt a bond between us two…

"Still I'm praying on the day that you'll be mine" 

Every second without you is empty.  The sun has not shone for me since I realised you weren't coming to join me.  My GFs, Carbunkle and Gilegen, have noticed the change.  Carbunkle keeps asking where Irvine-Sama is, and Gilegen keeps crying because I'm not happy.  Even my friends are starting to notice the difference.  I can't go on without you, and Trabia can't go on without me…

"Why do I keep on holding you 

_When all you do is hurt me"_

I don't think I've ever been so confused.  You make me so happy, but at the same time you can make me so angry.  When you flirt with other girls I feel so betrayed.  You tell me I'm the only one, but then you flirt with another girl.  Are you lying to me?  Am I not good enough?  I just want to know why you won't stop flirting when you know how much it hurts me…

"All my friends say that I should let you go 

_So afraid that I might see"_

I've talked to Rinoa, but she wasn't able to give me much help.  It's not her fault.  You and Squall aren't really very similar.  The only comfort I've had, ironically, was from Squall.  I was pestering him about his relationship with Rinoa, thinking maybe I wasn't doing something I should, and he just burst out that you have a real crush on me.  Then he swore me to secrecy 'cause you'd told him not to tell me.  But I never seemed to find a moment to tell you how I feel.  I guess we're both scared of rejection…

"I can't go on livin' life like this 

_Up and down, in and out I wonder_

_Is this world just a cowboy and a kiss_

_Or should I choose another"_

I don't know what to do.  I can't flirt like you do.  I know that you're the one for me, and nothing can change that…

"Hey Selphie!  Whatcha writin'?"

"Irvine?!  IRVINE!!"

"Hey!  You didn't really think Cid could keep me from my Selphie did ya?"

AN: Hee!  Happy fic showing a more thoughtful side to the hyper Selphie.  I went out and bought Anastasia's album just for this song 'cause it reminded me so much of Irvine, and then I just had to write a songfic.  Btw, Selphie's writing in her diary.


End file.
